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j1miller
Puppy Love!
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Joined: 07 Jul 2002
Posts: 15447
Location: Lost on trail.
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 Posted: 06/25/06 - 08:55 Post subject: Divorce update
It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me.
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brie k
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 09:48 Post subject: Re: Divorce update
| j1miller wrote: | It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me. |
Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it.
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JUJR
Grunt
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Joined: 20 Feb 2005
Posts: 1970
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 10:01 Post subject:
having loved you once, then shat on you...I think he's embarassed to talk to you about it, so he'll avoid the admittance of it all by denying you the conversation?
yeah...he needs to grow the F up.
tell your kiddos how much you love them and NOTHING will ever change that.
{{Jen}}
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Noley
AZhat
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Joined: 16 Aug 2003
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 11:40 Post subject:
Some people take the low road in life. They do. Plan on each road he travels from here on out to be just that. And now plan on talking to your children each and every time you suspect that he's up to something...if it's something they can handle.
ie. "You might be seeing Daddy getting married very soon when you go with him one weekend..."
That's what I would do if possible. Have that edge over him and keep it controlled by you. Eventually they'll be old enough to decipher what kind of low roads he takes and will not travel down them with him. Until then...control it yourself.
This is the plate you've been given. Stay on the high one yourself...on top of your kids...and never come back with words until thought through. Meaning, do not talk to him until you know you come off controlled, strong with your words and never sounding like he's gotten to you.
I'm so glad I am not in this type of situation myself.
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 13:39 Post subject:
I'm still in shock over all this, Jen. I totally believe you that he's being like this, but sheesh.....I guess you never really know someone unless you live with them, huh?
No more words of wisdom than what's already been said here. Just don't sink to his level and stay on the high road. As a professional who works with kids I hate more than anything to see both parents putting them in the middle when the divorce was about THEIR sh*t, you know? I'm glad you are trying so hard not to do that.
This is all I gots for ya....hope it helps 
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Noley
AZhat
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 14:12 Post subject:
Let me clarify something too.
I never involve my children in matters that bother me with my ex. That's between him and myself. The only time I would ever bring something to the kids' attention is to prep them of something that may happen in their lives...so there are not any surprises. I have not had to do this. So, I'm going to explain further to say to try to never involve conversations with the kids of matters that bother you about your ex. They don't need that strife and regardless...they will still love him.
For the longest time my kids didn't want to bring up my ex's GF in conversations with me. Finally I talked to them...
"It's ok to talk about GF. She's a nice person and you can talk about her".
I talk to them about her and how she's good to them. That seems to help ease their hearts.
And now you must decide how you want to help them with her being added into their lives. It's going to be a tough situation to remove yourself from it a bit and allow them to care for her. Knowing kids...they will. Try to look at it as someone who will care about your children and add love to their lives (hopefully so). They will look to you as to how they should be with her. Trust me. They will. It took my reassurance to my own kids that the GF was ok before they were more at ease.
Just my
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megawill
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 14:16 Post subject: Re: Divorce update
| brie k wrote: | | j1miller wrote: | It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me. |
Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
puhleeeze....that is one of the lamest i've ever heard...
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 15:15 Post subject:
Some people feel the need to "twist the kife". Personally life would be much easier if people were honest about things.
How long does your ex think he can "keep the secret" ?
PS: Men do lots of stupid things when they let "Mr Happy" do the thinking. Who was it that said men only have enough blood to operate either the brain or the penis at one time ?
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brie k
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 15:30 Post subject: Re: Divorce update
| megawill wrote: | | brie k wrote: | | j1miller wrote: | It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me. |
Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
puhleeeze....that is one of the lamest i've ever heard... |
How very kind of you to share this with me. Absolutely made my day. Thanks.
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 15:37 Post subject: Re: Divorce update
| brie k wrote: | | megawill wrote: | | brie k wrote: | | j1miller wrote: | It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me. |
Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
puhleeeze....that is one of the lamest i've ever heard... |
How very kind of you to share this with me. Absolutely made my day. Thanks. |
I'm guessing what megawill was saying (and if I'm wrong, don't hesitate to correct me), is that women are not exempt from the 'not growing up' thing. Please note this is a general observation, and not specific to Jenn's situation.
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karlene
Canadian Bacon
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Joined: 17 Oct 2005
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 15:46 Post subject: Re: Divorce update
| gretriever wrote: | | brie k wrote: | | megawill wrote: | | brie k wrote: | | j1miller wrote: | It was final June 14th. Journalized, etc.
He refused to tell me he was engaged, getting married, or when it is. I found out, though (need to be able to prepare the children or I wouldn't care otherwise). He's getting married to someone that used t be my friend till she slept with him on July 15th. He plans on taking the kids. He told me he was taking them on vacation. (He is not) He just told me that and was going to bring them back and have taken them to his wedding
He's an absolute POS. I don't understand the need to lie at this point, especially when it concerns the kids.
Enlighten me. |
Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
puhleeeze....that is one of the lamest i've ever heard... |
How very kind of you to share this with me. Absolutely made my day. Thanks. |
I'm guessing what megawill was saying (and if I'm wrong, don't hesitate to correct me), is that women are not exempt from the 'not growing up' thing. Please note this is a general observation, and not specific to Jenn's situation. |
it's not just men that don't grow up... and i don't even think it has anything to do with 'growing up' really. Some people don't know how to repect others, doesn't matter if they are male or female...
AND JEN keep strong and i second all of the advice given here...do not let him get to you in front of your kids. Just show them that you can be the bigger person in all of this.
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brie k
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 15:59 Post subject:
Honestly, if anyone thinks that I meant that only men do not grow up, then I don't know what to say.
And as far as respect goes, in my mind, a lack of respect for anyone, particularly your spouse, is indicative of not having a certain maturity. Children are self-centered, and young ones in particularly do not have respect for others because they think they are the center of everything. This is what I meant by not growing up, that he hasn't reached the point where anyone matters as much as he does.
I shouldn't have said anything to Megawill about this. It truly is small compared to what the topic is. I am very sorry that anyone has to endure this situation. I've endured it in my own way myself; I never want to repeat it and wish that one of our own didn't have to endure it either. Tough stuff, to be sure.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 18:21 Post subject:
| brie k wrote: | Honestly, if anyone thinks that I meant that only men do not grow up, then I don't know what to say.
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I don't see the gray are here, looks pretty clear in your statement
| brie k wrote: | | Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
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brie k
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 18:42 Post subject:
| Cappy wrote: | | brie k wrote: | Honestly, if anyone thinks that I meant that only men do not grow up, then I don't know what to say.
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I don't see the gray are here, looks pretty clear in your statement
| brie k wrote: | | Because some men don't ever grow up. That's the nicest way I can say it. |
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Awesome. Because everyone here knows I am just the male-bashingest person there is. Because I guess no one here really knows that I wouldn't have meant it in that way. Because I was addressing THAT particular thing in the original post, and it was about her ex-husband, who is a man. That is all. I certainly did mean to, nor expect, this reception.
Granted, I effed up in my statement in that I did not clarify that some people never grow up. I appreciate my terrible mistake being brought to everyone's attention.
I am not sure what the hell I've done to deserve people not cutting me any slack. Maybe someone else can point out a grammatical error while they're at it.
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Gogirlgo
Member
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Joined: 25 Jul 2002
Posts: 4777
Location: No deal, stalker.
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Posted: 06/25/06 - 19:45 Post subject:
Yep, some men don't grow up. It's true. Some women don't either. But I've noticed it more with men.
Jen, I'm sorry. When I was younger, my father's wife was pregnant with my half-brother. He told us not to tell my mom, that he would tell her himself. Of course he never told her, and she had to hear about it from someone else, and I'll never forget how crappy I felt when she confronted on that, how angry I was for what a crap position my dad put us in with our mom.
I don't speak to him now and I'm pretty close with her, but it was a rocky road to get to this place. All you can do is being loving and consistent. They'll figure out how to come to terms with him on their own.
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