Daycare, a long rant. Please excuse...

Member

"scuse me while I rant.

In the past year, 3 of the daycare providers have left. Apparently the woman who owns the center (I say center, but it is really a house) is very difficult for (I heart this from all the woman who left, who keep in touch because they love my kids).

The last woman who left with this beautiful girl in her 20's who my son just adored. since she had left, the woman who owns the daycare center has become more involved with the children. My son is a very bright articulate and animated child. Not overly aggressive, but very active. He is the only boy, save on boy who is not quite 2, with roughly 7 girls ranging from 2 to about 11. He had bit a girl yesterday ( 11 year old) because she tried to take a toy from him. We were told this when we picked him up, so we admonished him, and had him apologize to the little girl he had bitten. He did so, apologized to us and the teacher. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him, but that I was disapointed in his misbehavior, and that if he wanted to have playtime, he had to behave. We also took away his tv rights last night.

Today, I had a work dinner, so I was not home in time to pick up my kids from daycare, so my wife did (we usually go together). Apparently, this same thing happened again. The daycare owner had told my wife that she was wrong to hug him yesterday after admonishing him. She told my wife that he should be evaluated, because he is not interested in what all the other kids are interested in (7 girls!), he as acting immature (he is 3 1/2!) he is defiant (again, he is 3 1/2), and he sometimes cries when we leave him in the morning at daycare. The other children don't have this problem (7 girls!).

I am afraid that she is labeling my son. She thinks he has ADD. Look I am not one of those fathers who says boys will be boys whenever he misbehaves. I see the way my son is with his sister and cousins (boy cousins, all around his age). He is a good, affectionate kid. He gets along with others, he shares. He is a little ball of energy (much like his father).

Buffy is besides herself. I say lets get him evaluated because I know he is fine, and I would really like to throw it back in this know-it-alls face!

Anybody ever been through this? I am thinking about finding another daycare, but that breaks my heart because he does have friends there.

Adjunct

amazing that some people become experts all of the sudden. To be safe mention it at the next Dr. appointment you have with him. Let a real expert have a say in it.

Member

So far, nothing sounds like ADD! I agree, let him be evaluated. On the off chance he does have a slight problem of some sort, the earlier it's caught, the easier time everyone will have.

I don't have children, but isn't biting fairly normal at the age group? It's been awhile since I've had child development classes, but I think it's fairly common to go through a biting phase. As far as the crying goes, he's just lost another caretaker he liked, and it left with someone new. Sounds normal to me.

Sorry your son (and your family) is having to go through this frustration.

Member

I'll get very fired up on this subject. Evil or Very Mad

ADD is a bogus label. I think it's a poor excuse for parents/caregivers with deficient skill or interest in guiding a child's development.

I defy anyone to find a 3 year old who doesn't have a short attention span, or doesn't act out because they can't articulate their feelings when they are angry or frustrated with their environment.

Any introductory textbook in child development will tell you that your son is acting like a normal 3 year old. He's responding to the changes in his life, after all! Do his caregivers expect him to act like a 7 year old? A 10 year old? An adult?

If it's my son, and his caregivers continue to push the ADD nonsense, I'm searching for someone else to care for him during the day.

I feel badly that you have to fight this kind of battle. It's hard enough to find someone good to care for your children without having to deal with this kind of foolishness.

Excelent

I agree with thegman. Now a days people are so quick to label kids and put them on medication. PJ sounds like any other 3 year old.

The Pinball

Pyromaniac

I get fired up about this subject also. My oldest son's kindergarten teacher tried to convince us he was an ADD candidate and that he should probably be on ritalin. He was 5 yrs old at the time and she said he was immature and overly active. She also claimed he was more interested in entertaining his classmates than performing in the classroom. She said he wasn't disruptive in class but that he goofed off more than the other kids. To me a 5 yr old boy who is active and likes clowning around sounds pretty darn normal - especially one who didn't go home and sit in front of the tv and chow on junk food all evening. His pediatrician agreed with my assessment.

Member

First let me say, I've worked with children in centers, daycares, and preschools for over 20 years--some with problems, some without.
With that said, here is my spin on all of this.
1. 3 employees leaving in one year is not a good sign.
2. 11yo+3yo=Bad idea--preschoolers should not be with preteens at a daycare. Mad

3.3 year old boys are rough, loud and even bite--it doesn't necessarily mean something wrong with your son.
4.It is very difficult to label a child ADD at a preschool level considering all the changes a child goes though at this age.
5.You son does not seem like he has ADD, you son seems pissed off!
6.Find source of anger--see # 2
7.Also, a favorite provider left, which could be the source of the anger, and the reason he crys when you drop him off. Sad

If you want to get the evaluation, go ahead--it could hurt, but I would seriously consider a new child care provider--one that has an equal mix of boys and girls and age appropriate rooms, specifically for your son, a preschool 3-4 yo class.
Just my

Member

What Pebbs said. Sounds like a normal kid to me. He might be biting to get the attention of the older kids who are probably ignoring him? I have ADHD (diagnosed later in life, during childhood I was just "hyper" - thankfully labels weren't as prevalent then) and he doesn't act like I did.

Get him tested for your own peace of mind if you want. Definitely get a new daycare.

Member

one more thing--anybody that tells you it wrong to hug your kid at ANY given time is FREAKIN' IDIOT!!! burning mad

Member

I concur with Gman and Pebs. Especially about mixing 11-year-olds with much younger childern. I wouldn't sweat the biting. I would bet dollars to donuts he never bites again. Your son has learned a limit in life. I also think ADD is a diagnosis that is way overused. I know some true ADD kids, and when you see it it is impossible to miss. But a 3-year-old biting a much larger kid who is taking a toy away is not ADD.

It is a child learning the lessons of what is appropriate in society. And we all learn in different ways--some by observation, others by trial and error.

Colin went through a biting incident when he was about 3 and in daycare. Wife and the young, inexperienced director grew concerned and started down the ADD road. The director pulled us aside and went

and told us he would grow out of it. And it never happened again. Case closed.

Gone Fishin

Member

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your feedback. Whats more is that I emailed this link to Buffy, because I know she needs to hear this.

I spoke to her a few minutes ago and she has been getting the same thing from her co-workers.

I have already started researching other options.

crazy cat lady

Master of Prissface

From a clinician's point of view, everyone here is pretty much dead on. I've worked with ADD kids and your son does not seem to fit the behavior patterns....and like Pebbs said, 3 years old is not the age to be testing them if you want an accurate diagnosis. He's in one of the most critical and difficult developmental stages right now, second only to adolescence as far as stress on the child, and he sounds to me like he's acting out from anger and frustration rather than just being aggressive for no reason. If she's this critical of the parents, imagine how critical she is of the children, and having all those employees leave in such a short period of time reinforces that. People normally work in daycare because they love kids, because the pay sucks, so if these dedicated people are leaving, the problem lies with her, not PJ or any of the other kids.

These "private" daycares are usually a little more inexpensive, and most do have to be bonded and state licensed to operate but they don't always provide the most quality care for the money. There is no way that wide of an age group should be lumped all together, the younger ones are too far removed from the older ones developmentally to be in a structured setting all day long, and the fact that he's the only boy would be difficult enough without adding that to the mix.

Honestly, I wouldn't get him tested now at all. What I'd do is pull him out of there ASAP and see how he settles in to a new place. If he still seems to be having a lot of adjustment problems after a reasonable period of time, you may want to talk to your family doc first, but I'd bet that getting him into an environment where he's got more peer interaction and a more qualified, child-educated staff to work with him, that he'll be fine.

Tell Buffy she's free to email me if she wants to talk any more about it (and you know you are too!)

Daycare, a long rant. Please excuse...

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