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marathonrnr262
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 1885
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 Posted: 08/10/05 - 19:59 Post subject: Calling in sick
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.
No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss
thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up something to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The True Story:
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen
"Honey, the garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, which discovered the fascinating dangling
bjects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational
thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent
rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from everything
below.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight syndrome. Men, in
this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,
all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter... and not
succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back into the office, where colleagues
tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury.
kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about -- which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
Close, but not exactly
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phillycat
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Joined: 14 Jul 2004
Posts: 1953
Location: Da hood
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 20:15 Post subject:
 
Hope you are ok. Really, that is one for the books.
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MastrBrewr
Saccharomyces cerevisiae
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 6974
Location: outside
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 20:19 Post subject:
I feel your pain. I really do, but I'm thinking of an excellent quote from the great Harry Hogge:
Sorry Cole, we're really tryin' not to laugh.
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 20:21 Post subject:
 OMG, I'm sorry that is hysterical! I thought is was a joke actually.  Hope you're ok really.
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kristin31
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 20:39 Post subject:
Ouch!!!!
Hope you feel better. Even though this visual is extemely hilarious (and another reason I am a dog, rather than cat person) head injuries suck rocks. How bad was the concussion?
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thegman
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 21:04 Post subject:
That didn't actually happen to you, did it? 
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 21:21 Post subject:
| JACKED UP wrote: | | OMG, I'm sorry that is hysterical! I thought is was a joke actually. Hope you're ok really. |
Psst. It's a joke. His wife's name is Lucy, not Deb. Plus, they're dog people.
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kristin31
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 21:28 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | JACKED UP wrote: | | OMG, I'm sorry that is hysterical! I thought is was a joke actually. Hope you're ok really. |
Psst. It's a joke. His wife's name is Lucy, not Deb. Plus, they're dog people. |
Listen, troublemaker deluxe.  Shouldn't you be anwering my Aurora question?
I'm just sayin'....dogs don;t grab your bidness... usually they have the decency to leave the room(s) a well...
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 21:42 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | JACKED UP wrote: | | OMG, I'm sorry that is hysterical! I thought is was a joke actually. Hope you're ok really. |
Psst. It's a joke. His wife's name is Lucy, not Deb. Plus, they're dog people. |
Listen, troublemaker deluxe. Shouldn't you be anwering my Aurora question?
I'm just sayin'....dogs don;t grab your bidness... usually they have the decency to leave the room(s) a well... |
They may not grab it, but boy do they do a mean headbutt at just the wrong angles. 
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 22:07 Post subject:
| MastrBrewr wrote: | I feel your pain. I really do, but I'm thinking of an excellent quote from the great Harry Hogge:
Sorry Cole, we're really tryin' not to laugh. |
and Sheldon has a cat...you know the one that caught on fire?
Last edited by Ms. Jenn on 08/10/05 - 22:11; edited 1 time in total
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 08/10/05 - 22:09 Post subject:
Our workplace would insist on a note from the damn cat.
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HYPERASHEL
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 15397
Location: The South's Sauna, Atlanta
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Posted: 08/11/05 - 12:09 Post subject:
to the 10th power. OMG one more reason to adopt adult cats.
Sheldon, that took balls to admit to <snicker, snicker> sorry you weren't able to keep your head about you before you stood up. has kitty been fixed yet? either it was revenge if so, or you'll be able to get the last laugh.
oh, and BTW a double head shot. <snicker snicker>
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mrbill
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Joined: 22 Jul 2005
Posts: 1235
Location: Location: Location...
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Posted: 08/11/05 - 23:22 Post subject:
 Ouch!!! Hope you are feeling better...
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crazyfrog
Kermitologist
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Joined: 31 May 2003
Posts: 7610
Location: atlanta
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Posted: 08/11/05 - 23:45 Post subject:
| phillycat wrote: |
Hope you are ok. Really, that is one for the books. |
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 08/11/05 - 23:53 Post subject:
Really, the cat was trying to get the padlock off.
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