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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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 Posted: 10/13/04 - 17:47 Post subject: Baseball Humor! (maybe not for any Cub Fans though)
However, for all the Cub fans out there I thought you would enjoy this resume I found on another forum!
Samuel Peralta Sosa
Objective:
To attain a right fielder's job on a team that will truly appreciate me
and my unique ability to think solely of myself and my feelings. It is
after all my world, my team, and my clubhouse. The team that wants me
will be forced to pick up the second year of my contract and pay me
almost $40 mill for 2 more years.
Career Highlights:
-2110 career strikeouts
-4 straight years of decreasing Batting Average, OBP, and Slg %
-Inability to play even average defense.
-All my throws are lollipopped into home plate, and usually go to the
screen.
-Independent-See no need for cut off men or doing any other of the
little things that help a team win.
-Fans across the country love and adore me, and it's all about me.
Previous Experience
1992-2004 Right Fielder-Chicago Cubs
-Hit many HR's, had many more K's
-Spent lots of time in last place, not my fault.
-Put on 45 pounds of muscle in a short period of time -Caught cheating
with cork in my bat-but it was an accident.
-Developed a strong love of loud salsa music.
-Very generous-like to leave upwards of $20K in cash in wrapped up in
newspapers in hotels in the Dominican.
-Sammy Sosa Charitable Foundation-Provides help..to me. Great tax
breaks for myself.
-Won a couple of HR hitting contests
-Fans around the world love me
-Cover less and less ground in OF, have shoulder pain and can't throw
well.
-2004-hit .219 in night games, .224 with RISP, and .233 since the All
Star break
1989-1991
Chicago White Sox
- Hit about .240, but not my fault, Hriniak hurt my feelings.
- Developed a love of rum and rum bottles, especially as weapons against
women
- Struck out a lot and failed miserably even though I was a top
prospect.
References:
Don Baylor
Mark Grace
Tom Treblehorn
Millions of fans around the world who adore me.
Andy McPhail
Jim Riggleman
Please don't contact my most recent boss, Dusty Baker. He blames
everything on me.
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