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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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 Posted: 07/19/06 - 08:38 Post subject: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| Quote: | AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - CONGRESSIONAL ACT 2006
WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be." |
 It's about time something like this happened.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 08:52 Post subject:
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 08:52 Post subject:
You need to adjust your sarcasm detector. 
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 08:56 Post subject:
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Running Brewer
Member
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Location: Santa Poco
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 08:57 Post subject:
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16242
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:02 Post subject:
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:02 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ???
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:05 Post subject:
people of inability  it's perfect!
i can't twist a lug nut.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:09 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I didn't write it. I did the ol' copy & paste from Snopes. 
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
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Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:21 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I didn't write it. I did the ol' copy & paste from Snopes. |
Well, let me see now... YOUR post doesn't say anything to indicate you're quoting snopes or the Onion. YOUR posting has YOUR name on the header.
But you're right, since Postal Workers have no cognitive reasoning abilities, I guess they might jump to conclusions and give you credit for the posting.
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:23 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| andydp wrote: | | What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I can only help with the latter.
I think his name is Newman.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:23 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I didn't write it. I did the ol' copy & paste from Snopes. |
Well, let me see now... YOUR post doesn't say anything to indicate you're quoting snopes or the Onion. YOUR posting has YOUR name on the header.
But you're right, since Postal Workers have no cognitive reasoning abilities, I guess they might jump to conclusions and give you credit for the posting. |
Have you ever seen my type a post that was over 3 sentences long? No.
It's obvious I copied it from somewhere.
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HYPERASHEL
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 15397
Location: The South's Sauna, Atlanta
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:28 Post subject:
is there an in-apptitude test to pass....er...fail...er......to take
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 09:59 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I didn't write it. I did the ol' copy & paste from Snopes. |
Well, let me see now... YOUR post doesn't say anything to indicate you're quoting snopes or the Onion. YOUR posting has YOUR name on the header.
But you're right, since Postal Workers have no cognitive reasoning abilities, I guess they might jump to conclusions and give you credit for the posting. |
Have you ever seen my type a post that was over 3 sentences long? No.
It's obvious I copied it from somewhere. |
Just to remind myself: Who is the Person of Inability here ?
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HYPERASHEL
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 15397
Location: The South's Sauna, Atlanta
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Posted: 07/19/06 - 10:01 Post subject: Re: Americans With No Abilities Act *TROOF!*
| andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | [The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. |
:Stomping foot smiley :
[img] PH letters' burning [/img]
What are the names of your post office and letter carrier again ??? |
I didn't write it. I did the ol' copy & paste from Snopes. |
Well, let me see now... YOUR post doesn't say anything to indicate you're quoting snopes or the Onion. YOUR posting has YOUR name on the header.
But you're right, since Postal Workers have no cognitive reasoning abilities, I guess they might jump to conclusions and give you credit for the posting. |
Have you ever seen my type a post that was over 3 sentences long? No.
It's obvious I copied it from somewhere. |
Just to remind myself: Who is the Person of Inability here ? |
he's just rying to lay the basework for his qualifacation for when the AWNA Act takes effect.
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